Fixing James
by Aaya123Woods
Summary: When one of Lily's rejections goes too far, she, Sirius Black, and a few others team up to fix James. JP/LE.
1. What Happened

Oh, Merlin.

I was trying to do my homework, and yet the pack of insufferable mosquitoes, aka the 'Marauders,' would not leave me alone. Actually, one specific, messy-haired mosquito.

"Evans!"

"No."

"Go out with me?"

"No."

"Please?"

"NO."

"Come on!"

"Come back when you've evolved into something remotely resembling a snake."

"A sn- HEY!"

This continued until the end of my free period. Quite pissed, I hexed Potter, picked up my bag, and stomped to Potions.

* * *

As usual, James Potter ruined my lunch. He set off bloody FIREWORKS spelling my name out on the ceiling:

EVANS GO OUT WITH ME?

I had had enough.

So I climbed onto the table, much to the amusement of the whole school, pointed my wand at my throat: "_Sonorus!"_ and began ranting.

"JAMES POTTER! WHEN WILL YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL THAT I WILL NEVER, EVER, _EVER_ GO OUT WITH YOU? YOU'RE AN ARROGANT, BIG-HEADED, BULLYING, IDIOTIC, EMBARRASSING BLOODY _PRAT_, AND I WOULD RATHER GO OUT WITH PEEVES THAN YOU! I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE PUTS UP WITH YOU, YOU ARROGANT TOERAG! YOU HAVE BEEN ASKING ME OUT FOR FIVE YEARS, JUST BECAUSE I KEEP SAYING NO! I AM NOT A PRIZE TO BE WON! SO JUST SOD OFF AND BLOODY LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I sat down, satisfied. The hall was absolutely quiet. I didn't quite know what to do. I only hoped it worked.

* * *

It had been a week since my outburst, and you could call it a success. Potter hadn't asked me out once. But he also looked devastated. His cheeks were always covered in tear tracks, and he moped constantly. I felt bad about it, but whenever I tried to apologize, Potter would hurry away and Black, Lupin and Pettigrew would glare at me.

After another few days of this, I was yanked into an empty classroom on my way to Charms by a furious Sirius Black.

"What-"

"What the HELL is wrong with you!" he yelled.

"What-?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT!" Black thundered. "You bloody BROKE him! Did you know that he's been going on and on for four years about your hair and your laugh and your eyes and the way you get red when you're mad? He's never kissed a girl! He was saving himself, apparently! He talks in his sleep about you! You're EVERYTHING to him! HE'S PLANNED YOUR FUCKING WEDDING! James LOVES you, you bloody bitch!"

"Calm down, Black. I-"

_"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! YOU CRUSHED MY BEST FRIEND'S HEART, AND YOU'RE GOING TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER, DAMMIT!"_

"LOOK, I'M SORRY! I REALLY AM, BUT WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? POTTER HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR FIVE YEARS, AND NOTHING I'VE EVER SAID HAS STOPPED IT! Now listen, I'll help you fix him, but I don't understand what else a girl in my position was to do!" I shouted.

Black stared at me, breathing hard. Then he stuck out his hand.

"All right then. Let's fix James.


	2. Notes

**Hi, my measly three followers! *lower lip trembles* When I'm done writing this chapter, I'll decide if I will A: post every other day, or B, throw a hissy fit and refuse to post until I get at least three nice reviews. I'm leaning toward B.**

**Also, anyone who guesses Snuffles' code gets hugs and kisses. But if you can't read it, there's a translation at the bottom.**

* * *

Black and I met privately about Potter. He had insisted upon giving us code names (I was Petal and he was Snuffles. For the life of me, I could not figure out why he had chosen Snuffles, of all the strange, cuddly names in the world.) and passing coded notes in class. Black was utterly ridiculous, and quite funny, though I would never admit it.

_Lpeta! I ehav na aide rfo noperatio ACOBR._

**_Operation Cobra? What does that have to do with Potter?_**

_NOPERATIO ACOBR, LPETA! OD UYO TWAN ROU TSECRE TOU?_

**_This is a secret?_**

_Rfo eth esak fo eth ndiscussio._

**_You know such big words. Apparently not how to spell them though._**

_I ma ddisappointe ni uyo, Lpeta._

**_Okay, fine. What's your idea?_**

_KSPEA NI ETH ECOD!_

**_FINE! Swhat' ryou aide?_**

Sirius- I mean, Black- leapt up and let out a triumphant cheer.

"Mr. Backery, please sit down," said Professor Binns, not looking up from his notes.

Black hopped to a military stance and saluted.

"Yes, Admiral!"

Then he plopped down and began idly ripping up his notes.

_What was that all about?_

_UYO ESPOK ETH ECOD! Ti swa a ttriumphan tmomen._

**_Black? Can I tell you something?_**

_Ganythin rfo uyo, ndarli'._

**_Your code is terrible._**

_RFAI NMAIDE! AYS TI TISN' OS!_

**_Remus dear, take a look at this convo and tell me WHO IS THE SCREWED UP WANKER HERE?_**

_Lily, darling, I must say it is the dog whose pawprints are marking up the page. Also, what is operation cobra?_

**_Damn._**

_Tdon' uyo nmea, yincredibl EHANDSOM gdo?_

_No, I don't. I mean the annoying filthy mutt._

**_SIRIUS! YOU ARE NEVER, EVER ALLOWED TO SUMMON THE PARCHMENT AWAY FROM ME!_**

_Ha ha, just did._

_Nice job, Lily._

**_Isn't it nice when the annoying dogs stop whining?_**

_What?_

_You're not speaking in code anymore._

_ON! ON! SYE I MA!_

**_I TOLD you not to Summon the parchment away from me!_**

_Losing battle, Lil._

**_I know. *sobs*_**

_KBAC OT EM! Ym tfirs aide si ttha Lpeta ytr ot eb sfriend hwit Eprongsi._

**_How am I going to accomplish that?_**

_Can somebody please tell me what is going on?_

**_Meet me in the empty classroom by the kitchen during seventh period. I'll tell you everything._**

_ONOO! EW TMUSN' YBETRA ETH YSECREC FO NOPERATIO ACOBR! Oals, t'don uyo ehav Spotion hsevent?_

**_Slughorn will give me an O anyway._**

_Oo, tgo a ynaught esid, ehav ew? *swink*_

**_Shut up, Black. See ya, Remus._**

_Bye._

* * *

**Whew, that was exhausting. It's HARD to write literary genius! (not if you're JK Rowling. Now I'll turn into a jealous bitch cuz I DIDN'T WRITE HARRY POTTER!) Okay, I've started the next chapter. I've gone with option B, so please review! Please! Or else I'll DISCONTINUE it!**

**If you couldn't read Sirius' code, here is the translated version.**

_Petal! I have an idea for Operation Cobra._

**_Operation Cobra? What does that have to do with Potter?_**

_OPERATION COBRA, PETAL! DO YOU WANT OUR SECRET OUT?_

**_This is a secret?_**

_For the sake of the discussion._

**_You know such big words. Apparently not how to spell them though._**

_I am disappointed in you, Petal._

**_Okay, fine. What's your idea?_**

_SPEAK IN THE CODE!_

**_FINE! What's your idea?_**

Sirius- I mean, Black- leapt up and let out a triumphant cheer.

"Mr. Backery, please sit down," said Professor Binns, not looking up from his notes.

Black hopped to a military stance and saluted.

"Yes, Admiral!"

Then he plopped down and began idly ripping up his notes.

_What was that all about?_

_YOU SPOKE THE CODE! It was a triumphant moment._

**_Black? Can I tell you something?_**

_Anything for you, darlin'._

**_Your code is terrible._**

_FAIR MAIDEN! SAY IT ISN'T SO!_

**_Remus dear, take a look at this convo and tell me WHO IS THE SCREWED UP WANKER HERE?_**

_Lily, darling, I must say it is the dog whose pawprints are marking up the page. Also, what is operation cobra?_

**_Damn._**

_Don't you mean, the incredibly HANDSOME dog?_

_No, I don't. I mean the annoying filthy mutt._

**_SIRIUS! YOU ARE NEVER, EVER ALLOWED TO SUMMON THE PARCHMENT AWAY FROM ME!_**

_Ha ha, just did._

_Nice job, Lily._

**_Isn't it nice when the annoying dogs stop whining?_**

_What?_

_You're not speaking in code anymore._

_NO! NO! YES I AM!_

**_I TOLD you not to Summon the parchment away from me!_**

_Losing battle, Lil._

**_I know. *sobs*_**

_BACK TO ME! My first idea is that Petal try to be friends with Prongsie._

**_How am I going to accomplish that?_**

_Can somebody please tell me what is going on?_

**_Meet me in the empty classroom by the kitchen during seventh period. I'll tell you everything._**

_NOOO! WE MUSN'T BETRAY THE SECRECY OF OPERATION COBRA! Also, don't you have Potions seventh?_

**_Slughorn will give me an O anyway._**

_Oo, got a naughty side, have we?_

**_Shut up, Black. See ya, Remus._**

_Bye._


	3. Code Names and Astronomy

It was seventh period, and I was kicking around by the kitchens, waiting for Remus.

"PETAL!"

I glanced up.

"Hi, Si-Black. What are you doing here?"

"Well I wasn't about to let you ruin Operation Cobra all by your lonesome, was I?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"WHAT is OPERATION COBRA?"

I turned to see Remus walking up to us, looking very pissed.

Black squeaked and tried to hide behind me, which was proving slightly difficult as he was a foot taller and a lot bigger than I was. He just ended up making a total fool of himself. As usual.

I turned to Remus.

"One sec," I told him. I ran into the kitchen, grabbed an apple, and came back out.

"So?" said Remus.

"I was just wondering that myself, actually. Black, what is Operation Cobra?" I asked.

"Uh, well, I, um..." Sirius trailed off, looking terrified at the expression on Remus' face.

Taking pity on him, I turned to Remus and said, "When I stood up on the table and rejected him like that, according to Sirius here, I broke Potter. So now I'm trying to fix him, and the mission is cursed by this imbecile." I gestured at Sirius, who had stolen my apple.

"Ah. So to make up for being a giant bitch, you'll come up with a bitchy plot to get James to do... what, exactly?"

I almost cowered at Remus' glare.

"Look, I admit that I may have overreacted. I'm just trying to fix it, okay?"

"MAY have overreacted? Look, Lily, you're my friend. But James has never been this devastated. Ever. When his grandfather died, he moped a bit, cried a couple times. This is... it's never been like this. It's depressing just to watch him. And Lily, if you can't fix him, I swear to Merlin I'll hurt you a thousand times worse than you hurt him."

I stared at Remus, baffled. I knew the Mauraders were closer than the pages of a book, but Potter couldn't have done anything so wonderful for Remus to make him like this.

Silly naive fool, I was.

"Okay. I promise you, Black, and I double-promise you, Remus, I swear to God, Buddha and Merlin that I will fix him."

"Swear?"

"If it's the last thing I do," I promised.

"Wait, how come he gets a double promise?"

"Because I like Remus better than you. Also, you stole my apple."

* * *

"Team, we have something very important to discuss," said Sirius importantly.

"What, Black? Make it quick, that shepherd's pie is calling my name," I said. Potter had taken to eating in the kitchens.

"MOONY'S CODE NAME!"

Remus' head shot up from his plate, where he had been gorging himself on a strangely immense pile of meat.

"No. Oh, Merlin, no. Lily, save me!"

I crossed my arms, smiling.

"No, I want to see this."

Sirius cleared his throat.

"Well," he began, "I've been doing some research-"

"Ha ha, Black, enough with the jokes."

Sirius tossed me a dirty look.

"Anyway, as Moony-poo has a strange fascination with stars and space and whatnot, we first nicknamed him Moony."

"Is that so?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Moony, tell me, what percentage of stars explode in supernovas?"

"Umm, between zero and fifty percent."

"What is a supernova?"

"It's-uh-well-see," he stuttered, before shoving his face into his mound of meat.

"Shouldn't you know that for Astronomy already?"

"Astronomy?" asked a new voice. I peered around, eyes landing on Peter.

"Hi, Peter," I said, smiling.

"Hi. Hey Padfoot, Moony. Astronomy is my best subject, is all. In fact, none of my friends actually do their Astronomy homework, I usually let them copy," said Peter, oblivious to Sirius and Remus mouthing 'no, no, no!' behind me.

"Huh. So Remus isn't fascinated by space?" I asked.

"What? No, he hates it. Thinks it's boring. What's up with all the questions, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Well, okay. I've gotta go finish some homework. Bye, guys!" With that, he jumped up and ran off.

"That was enlightening," I said, turning to Remus and Sirius.

They were both looking terrified. So scared, in fact, that I took pity on them.

"Forget it, guys. I know, anyway."

Remus looked shocked. Sirius was speechless.

Unfortunately, not for long.

"Know what?" he asked cautiously.

I lowered my voice.

"That he's secretly a girl and doesn't want anyone to find out about his PMS, so he makes up monthly excuses to get away from the school."

I held Remus' gaze for a full second before Sirius and I burst out laughing.

"_Brilliant, _Lily," he said, wiping his eyes.

"Lily," Remus complained. "You can't do that. It's against the Maurader code."

"I'm not a Maurader," I pointed out.

"But really guys, I do know you're a werewolf, and no, it doesn't bother me at all."

"You are one smart bird," said Sirius, impressed.

"Why, thank you, Sirius."

"Anyway, back to the problem at hand: Moony's code name."

"Yeah," I said, "I was thinking, how about Artemis?"

"That's kind of nice..." mused Remus.

"A very long time ago, Muggles used to believe that Artemis was the goddess of the moon and virgins."

Sirius cracked up. He threw his arm around me, saying, "We're keeping this one."

Remus stared at me, crestfallen.

"You've joined the Dark Side," he said mournfully.

"It's fun, Artemis," I chuckled. "Try it."

"Okay," said Sirius, composing himself, "let's get to work. Petal, I think-"

"REALLY?" Remus gasped.

"Shut up, goddess of virgins. Petal, I think that you should throw a party in the common room, then wear a really short, really tight dress."

"You know, Sirius, that's not half bad, except for-" I began.

"The beginning, middle, and end," Remus finished, looking disgusted. I nodded vigorously.

"Fine then. YOU guys come up with a good plan, then!" Sirius cried, crossing his arms and pouting.

Within a moment, Remus and I had come up with a plan far beyond Sirius' mental capabilities and told him so.

"You guys are mean."

"At least we're smart."

"At least I'm not a swot."

"At least everybody except for the Slytherins like us."

"Touche."

* * *

**THIS PROVES NOT THAT YOU HAVE POWER OVER ME, ONLY THAT I FELT THE URGE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW OF MY GENIUS!**

**Oh, and dearies, Sirius' code was that he would put the last letter before the word. So clever, that boy.**

**And if I owned Harry Potter, FRED WOULD NOT BE DEAD. OR TONKS. OR REMUS. OR DOBBY. OR SIRIUS. OR DUMBLEDORE. OR THE FREAKIN POTTERS.**


	4. Sorry, Lily, I Love You

**potterhead934 requested more James, so here is depressed little Jamie-poo POV.**

* * *

James POV

I wasn't really paying attention. Transfiguration was usually my favorite subject, but my head was filled with thoughts of a certain green-eyed, red-haired, beautiful bitch.

Ah, who was I kidding? I knew I only felt like that because she had ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and thrown it to the hippogriffs.

One thing she had said was really nagging me, though. _You have been asking me out for six years, just because I keep saying no!_

Did she really think that? It had been a crush at first, and then, during the summer between first and second years, I had found myself missing her. Her eyes, her hair, her smile. Mostly, I missed her.

Before second year, on the train, a third year stole a first year's candy money. Lily confronted him, and when he didn't give it back, she body-bound him. Then she returned the money to the little first year. After she released the third year, she told a professor. She got detention, but I overheard her told Alice that she didn't really mind.

I fell head over heels right then.

I didn't know it, of course. My twelve-year-old self though it was lust. Or infatuation.

I realized in third year.

It wasn't anytime special. After the Christmas holidays, she stepped into the common room. It was the first time I'd seen her since the beginning of break. I wanted to run to her and hug her and bury my face in her hair. And I wanted her to hug me back.

I barely restrained myself.

But I chased after her for the next two years.

* * *

During my free period, I turned on my wooden radio and lay on my bed.

Lily's voice echoed in my mind. _Grine just assigned us a pile of homework the size of your head. Shouldn't you be doing it?_

I smiled as I remembered our first somewhat civil conversation.

_"Probably."_

_"So why are you reciting a poem to me?"_

My smile slipped. "I don't know."

_"Go out with me?"_

_"Go to hell."_

"Prongs?" It was Sirius.

He pushed aside the curtain.

"Oh, Prongs, you've gotta stop this," he said sympathetically.

I raised my fingers to my cheeks and found them wet. Sirius sat down next to me.

"Come on," Sirius said gently. He pulled my to my feet, handed me some tissues, and let my dry my face. "Let's go to Honeydukes. Sugar makes everything better, right?"

I nodded. I got out the cloak, wrapped it around us, and let Sirius drag me to the candy store.

Lily's favorite were the Fizzing Whizbees.

* * *

**I know, I know. I'm absolutely amazing. A post every day. Unfortunately, guys, I think my muse is deserting me. My muse does have a huge ego that likes to be stroked, though... reviews guys...**


	5. Charms Homework and Swots

**Uh, guys. Just to clarify(SUPER CARA), they are in their sixth year.**

**I don't own the Seven Books of Unspeakable Amazingness or the Eight Movies of Less-So, But Still Very Awesomness.**

**So anyway, REVIEWS!**

* * *

I sighed, biting my lip. It was three o'clock, and Remus had promised me he would have the Mauraders in the common room by then. I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say, but Sirius had told me he would take care of it.

This wasn't going to work.

I stepped into the common room, book clamped under my arm. I sat in an armchair by the fire 'cause Merlin it was cold.

"Boy, this homework sure is hard!" yelled Sirius.

I cringed. Could he be any more obvious?

"I'd really like some help. Hey, Lily, come hang out with _all of us _so that you can help me with homework!" he shouted across the room.

Apparently.

"Sure, Black," I mumbled. This attracted shocked looks from the whole common room. It wasn't exactly a secret that I hated the Mauraders.

I shuffled over to the group. Peter glared at me.

"Padfoot, why in the name of Merlin's best dress robes would you invite her over here?" he asked disgustedly.

Potter seemed to be thinking something along the same lines, only he looked more hurt then angry.

"Why, Wormtail, I simply wanted Charms help from the most talented Charmer here," said Sirius, feigning innocence.

As it was Sirius, it didn't work.

Peter narrowed his eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously, his eyes flicking from Sirius to me.

"Nothing," said Remus. "Wormtail, come up to the dorm, I want to talk to you..."

"I KNEW IT!" yelled Potter suddenly. Sirius and I glanced at him, startled. "I KNEW YOU WERE GAY, MOONY!"

Sirius burst out laughing, and I stifled a giggle. All the common room's occupants were staring at Remus, who was blushing furiously. Peter, standing next to him, was red too.

When the other Gryffindors had gone back to their conversations, Remus hurried Peter up to the dorm, still bright red. As I pretended to help Sirius with his homework, I could feel Potter's eyes boring into my back.

* * *

"That was weird," commented Sirius as Potter went up to bed. The common room was almost empty, except for a couple of seventh years studying frantically.

I glanced at him.

"What?"

"That's the first time he's made a joke since- you know."

"Oh."

"I think it was because of you."

I didn't say anything.

We had both finished our homework. I felt strangely comfortable in Sirius' presence.

As comfortable as I had been with Severus.

I shook off the thought.

"OI!" yelled Sirius suddenly. The seventh years looked up.

"What?" asked a blonde girl.

"What're you lot studying so hard for?"

"The NEWTs," answered a brown-eyed boy named August. I had dated him for a while in fourth year.

Sirius laughed.

"It's October, you swots."

"I started studying for the OWLs the summer before," I said.

"Well, you're a ginormous swot," he said dismissively.

"Ginormous? Is that a word?"

"Is now."

Sirius noticed that the blonde girl and the black-haired girl sitting next to her were staring at him.

"Need some help?" he asked, winking. They giggled and went back to studying.

"Why do you make an attempt to sleep with every girl who looks at you?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows, offended.

"I am a LADIES' MAN. There is a difference. Merlin."

"Sure there is," I laughed, punching his shoulder.

"Holy Mother of Merlin, woman! That HURT!"

"That was the general objective, Black."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't call me Black anymore."

"Why not?" I asked, puzzled.

Sirius closed his eyes.

"Because it reminds me of my family."

With that, he got up, bade me goodnight, and left.

* * *

**All right, my silver sparkly rainbow-vomiting unicorns! What do you think?**

**Also, should Peter and/or Alice join Operation Cobra? Tell me in the reviews.**

**Buhbye, my lovelies!**


	6. The Queen of Hearts

**Unfortunately, I don't own Harry Potter. Sad, really, I wouldn't have killed Snuffles dear...**

* * *

When I stepped into my dorm, I was accosted by Alice. She jumped onto me.

"LILY!"

I let out a shriek.

"MERLIN, ALICE! You scared me half to death!" I exclaimed.

"I. Need. Answers," she growled.

Petite, slightly (adorably) chubby Alice was my best friend in the school. Probably the world, without Severus or Petunia. Right now, she looked ready to kill.

I frowned.

"Uh, what's your favorite subject?" I asked her cautiously.

She rolled her eyes.

"Merlin, Lily. I'm not a Death Eater. Defense Against the Dark Arts. What I meant was, you've been spending a disproportionate amount of time with the Mauraders. ANSWERS."

I sighed. I knew Alice would pry it out of me whatever I did.

"Remember, maybe three weeks ago, I yelled at Potter in front of the whole school, and ever since he's been acting heartbroken?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Well, Sirius, Remus and I decided to try and fix him. Sirius insisted on code names. I'm Petal. Sirius is Snuffles. Remus is Artemis."

Alice wrinkled her nose.

"Isn't Artemis a girl name?"

"Well, Muggles used to believe that Artemis was the goddess of virgins." I didn't mention the moon part. "I came up with it," I explained, feeling quite proud of myself, "and it stuck."

Alice laughed.

"So what's the plan?"

"What?" I asked, bemused.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm joining you! I'm not going to miss the Great Getting-Together."

"Oh, please."

Alice was convinced that Potter and I would eventually date. Bullshit.

"Well," I began, "the plan is for me and Potter to become friends. I don't know how I'll bear it, but if Remus can stand him, so can I.

"Right now, he nods hi and bye to me. We just need to figure out how to get him to talk to me."

"Okay... you sound like a stalker..."

"Shut up."

* * *

_**Yo, Sirius.**_

_PETAL DARLING!_

**_Gave up on the code?_**

_No, never. Just got lazy._

**_Whatever. Sirius, meet the new member of Op. FJ._**

**_Hi! It's Alice._**

_WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? And it's Operation COBRA, not Op. FJ, whatever that stands for._

**_Operation Fixing James, dumbass. I wanted Fixing Crybaby Potter, but Alice insisted on this._**

**_You'll be calling him James and a lot more pretty soon. *lascivious wink*_**

_What?_

**_Alice is convinced that Potter and I will get together._**

**_It's inevitable._**

_Hmm. Maybe I do like you. Artemis, what thinketh you?_

_I think Alice should join us. Might make this easier. Also, Sirius, Op. FJ is infinitely better than Op. Cobra._

_Who asked you? So, Alice, what up with your code name?_

**_I dunno._**

_I think she should be called the Queen of Hearts. Cause she's Alice, like Alice in Wonderland, and she's trying to match up Lily and James, thus the Hearts part._

**_I like it._**

**_Not bad, Remus._**

_Not as brilliant as Artemis, but it'll do. And QOH for short. Pronounced KO._

Sirius stopped writing. Then, grinning, he poked the parchment with his wand and passed it to me.

**_What did you do?_**

He faked an innocent grin.

_Why, Petal, I've no idea what you mean._

**_Snuffles, if you've-_**

I frowned and scratched out Snuffles.

**_Snuffl-_**

What on earth? I looked at him. He smirked and Summoned the parchment.

_Now none of you will have any choice but to call us by our code names! HA HA!_

_**I hate you Snuffles.**_

_**Can I kill him now?**_

_Merlin, you're obnoxious._

_*evil smile* MWAHAHAHAHA!_

_*forces smile* All right. Stage two in Op. Cobra. QOH, I think some night when Prongs is just sitting in the common room alone, you go up to him and say, "Petal's really sorry, you know. You'd know that if you gave her the chance to show it."_

**_Brilliant, Artemis!_**

_Okay, Stage two: QOH tells Prongs Petal's sorry. Good work!_

* * *

**So! What'chall think? I feel like this chapter was a little forced, you dearies just tell me if it needs to be rewritten.**


	7. Messy Hair, Bright Eyes

**Yo, worshippers! Go read some hardcore Jily!**

***stupid little brother pipes up* You forgot the disclaimers.**

***gorgeous, smart, awesome sister retaliates* Shut up.**

**She doesn't own Harry Potter: good thing, too, or else she would've killed Cho Chang.**

* * *

As Op. FJ expanded, we had to start meeting in empty classrooms. Sirius attempted to make us call everyone by their code names. Everyone else refused.

"Code names are fun to come up with," Remus said, "not fun to use." Although, that may have had something to do with the fact that his code name meant the goddess of virgins.

"Okay, so QoH's part should be done be next Thursday," said Sirius.

Alice checked the schedule that Remus and I had made.

"So after that, Lily goes up to him and apologizes in person, although Lily, it would be better if in response to what I said he went to you. After that, this slightly-more-than-friendship will start by itself," said Alice.

"All right guys," said Remus, standing up. "Peter is our inside guy. NO code names," he said quickly, glancing at Sirius' open mouth.

"Like, when I apologize, Peter will go up to him and ask him what that was all about. He'll gouge his reaction," I said, catching on.

"Exactly."

"Okay, cool," said Alice.

"But what about the code name?" Sirius whined.

* * *

Sirius was playing Gobstones with Potter, and losing spectacularly. He was covered in disgusting-smelling goo.

I was watching, cheering on Sirius.

"No, stupid!" I cried. I was no master, but Sirius' move was the absolute worst one he could've made.

Potter smiled slightly.

"You're a right idiot, mate," he said. With that, Potter won the game, dousing Sirius yet again with foul-smelling liquid.

"Ah, bollocks! This'll take me for_ever _to wash out!" Sirius said miserably, fingering his hair.

Sirius left to take a shower.

The common room was almost empty, except for the three seventh years who Sirius had called swots a few days ago. Alice, who had been chatting with Remus a few feet away, caught my eyes.

I hopped onto the couch next to them.

"You got it, Queen of Hearts," I said, winking.

"Can we not use the code names?"

"Shut up, Artemis," Alice and I chorused.

"What's an Artemis? And why are you calling Moony that?" We looked up. It was none other than James Potter. I scooted over to make room for him. If I was going to be friends with him, might as well do it properly. He chose the seat next to Remus instead. I fought the hurt welling up in me. I hated him. Right?

"Muggles used to believe that Artemis was the goddess of virgins." I explained.

He roared with laughter.

"You got that right."

Remus punched his shoulder.

"BLOODY OW!" Potter yelped.

"Female ones," added Alice. I had lent her my book of mythology last night, and she had lapped up every word.

Potter laughed even harder.

Remus stood up, face flaming.

"I'm LEAVING!" he yelled. "This is the result of spending too much time around Padfoot, Alice! Lily!"

Then he walked over to the seventh years and whispered something in their ears. They all shot me terrified looks and scampered to their dorms.

Potter, Alice and I stared after them, bemused.

"Charming bloke, that one," said Potter.

Alice laughed.

"You cursed his ears off in fourth year," said Alice. Because he was dating me.

"Very charming ears, they were, too," he grinned.

Alice chuckled. I smiled.

I suddenly noticed that his crooked grin was very adorable. Now I was laughing at his jokes. What happened to the arrogant, bullying idiot that he was?

Huh.

I stood up abruptly. "I'm going to bed," I announced.

"All right Lils. See you tomorrow," said Alice, standing up to give me a quick hug.

"Night," said Potter, not quite meeting my eyes. I pushed down the hurt again and went to bed.

When I fell asleep, my dreams were full of messy black hair, mischievous, bright hazel eyes, and a playful smile.

* * *

**All right, I put in Pettigrew, the rat. (lol get it? rat? no?) I KNOW, I KNOW! Don't kill me! He won't show up again, promise. SWEAR. Review, my durlings!**


	8. Gobstones and Marshmallows

**Wow. Two updates in one night. I must really like you guys.**

**Shouldn't you know that I DON'T OWN HP? For every disclaimer I have to do, I need another YEAR of therapy.**

* * *

James POV

I loved crushing Sirius. Of course, he sucked at Gobstones, so it really even more fun than beating Remus. Remus actually managed to spray the disgusting gunk on me sometimes.

For some reason, this time was especially fun.

Especially since Lily was sitting next to us.

Granted, she was cheering for Sirius, but she was still there.

_STOP IT. You're getting over her, remember, you idiot? Merlin, I can't believe I'm stuck with this level of common sense._

"No, stupid!" she squeaked. Sirius had just made the worst play ever.

I smiled to myself. She was adorable. _SHUT UP! _She was, though.

"You're a right idiot, mate," I said loudly. Shaking the hair out of my eyes, I won the game, hitting Sirius full in the face with putrid green stuff.

"Ah, bollocks! This'll take me for_ever _to wash out!" Sirius whined, running his fingers through his hair. He jumped up and hurried away, presumably to take a shower.

I sat back, satisfied. Lily went to sit next to Alice, who was talking to Remus on the sofa.

I relaxed for a moment, staring at Lily. _Ignore her. IGNORE HER. IGNORE THE SPUNKY, PRETTY, AMAZING GIRL SITTING TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU._

"Shut up, Artemis," I heard her and Alice say together.

I got up.

"What's an Artemis? And why are you calling Moony that?" I asked, baffled. They looked at me. Lily moved closer to Alice, allowing space for me to sit.

_IF YOU PUT YOUR ARSE NEXT TO LILY YOU'LL KISS HER. Although, 'arse' and 'Lily' in the same sentence always bodes well..._

I sat next to Remus instead. Hurt flashed over her face. I almost went to sit by her.

_Don't you dare. You're getting over her and her gorgeous arse._

"Muggles used to believe that Artemis was the goddess of virgins." Lily told me.

I burst out laughing. Partly it was the brilliance of the nickname, but it was also the giddiness of Lily talking to me without yelling or insulting.

_FORGET HER! Remember? Ready to bet that it was her who came up with the nickname? That would come in very useful for insulting Sirius. If only you were dating._

"You got that right," I said, gasping for breath.

Remus pounded my shoulder.

"BLOODY OW!" I cried.

"Female ones," said Alice.

I laughed harder.

Remus jumped up, looking like a tomato.

"I'm LEAVING!" he shouted. "This is the result of spending too much time around Padfoot, Alice! Lily!"

Then he stepped to some studying seventh years and said something quietly. They all glanced at Lily, looking scared, and scurried upstairs.

We gazed after them, confused.

"Charming bloke, that one," I commented. The brown-eyed one. What was his name?

Alice laughed.

"You cursed his ears off in fourth year," said Alice. August.

"Very charming ears, they were, too," I said lightly. He was dating Lily.

_FORGET ABOUT LILY! SHE HATES YOU! EVEN IF YOUR ARSE IS BETTER THAN THAT AUGUST BLOKE'S!_

Alice giggled. Lily smiled.

_Don't get your hopes up. She smiles at everything but you. Everything including your stupidity._

She smiled! She smiled about my joke! I saw a second of turmoil cross her face.

She stood up suddenly.

"I'm going to bed," Lily said loudly.

"All right Lils. See you tomorrow," said Alice. She got up and hugged Lily.

"Night," I said to her nose. Very pretty nose. Very pretty everything.

_Are you even trying to GET OVER HER?_

She left.

"Hey, I have some marshmallows hidden in here, you want some?"

"Sure."

Alice caught my forearm as I tried to get up.

"Wait."

I plopped back down. Alice released me

"Thought you wanted marshmallows."

"I do, but I have something I need to say," said Alice. She took a deep breath.

"Lily is really sorry. She knows she crossed the line, and that she never should have done what she did. She's tried to apologize multiple times. Just give her a chance to. Okay?"

_No! Forget it! It won't help! She won't ever go out with you! THE MARSHMALLOWS LIKE YOU BETTER!_

Wow, that was low.

"Um, okay."

She raised her wand.

"_Accio marshmallows."_

A big bag of marshmallows soared to us. We levitated the marshmallows over the fire. Well, Alice did. She roasted her marshmallows to a perfect, gooey, golden-brown. I plunked mine in the fire for a moment, then pulled it out and blew on it.

We talked and laughed. Alice was goofy and nice. Like Sirius, but a lot simpler and a lot more intelligent.

_She's also Lily's friend, which is just as well since you're getting over Lily, right?_

"Is Lily really sorry?" I asked._  
_

_Masochist much? Of course she isn't._

Alice smiled at me gently. "Yes. She regrets it more than anything. She also thinks you're a bit of a crybaby, but she knows how badly you're hurting."

"No she doesn't," I said childishly, crossing my arms.

Alice glared at me. Surprised by her sudden intensity, I let my marshmallow stay in the fire too long and it was lost.

_All mourn the marshmallow._

"All right, James Potter," spat Alice, "I'm her best friend, and she tells me everything. When she was seven years old, she found a baby bird on the ground with a broken wing, barely alive. She picked it up, and just like that, the bird was fixed. So she found a worm and ground it up with a rock. Lily fed the mush to the bird. A little boy named Severus Snape saw this happen.  
"Snape kept watching her, and figured she was a witch. When she was nine years old, she and her sister were playing on the swings. Lily grabbed a dead flower and made it open and close. Her sister told her it was freaky and to stop it. Then Snape told her she was a witch. From that moment on, Snape was her best friend.  
"When she was eleven, she got the letter, and her sister turned bitter. Called her a freak and told her she hated her. That was the end of that relationship. When I met her, she was crying about it.  
"Two years ago, she lost her parents to Voldemort. She lives with her grandparents now, who don't have a lot of money.  
"Last year, she lost her best friend of six years, and that was thanks to YOU, James, so don't you DARE tell me that Lily doesn't know what it's like to have her heart broken." Alice glared at me, breathing hard.

I blinked.

"Thank you, Alice," I said slowly. "Thank you very much."

Alice stared at me as I got up and walked slowly to the dorms.

I understood now. She didn't have time for bullshit from guys in school. She had suffered too much to care. Lily was trying to make herself successful, because when we graduated, she sure as hell wasn't getting help from her family.

_I told you._

No. This made me love her more. I knew Lily Evans now. Not Evans the major swot. I knew what made her Lily.

* * *

**This was just going to be a quick James POV, but it turned into so much more. If anyone guesses what Remus said to the seventh years, you get hugs and kisses and a review to the piece of your choice!**

All right. MISSION 2A: QoH enlightening Prongs: *COMPLETE stamp*


	9. Sirius' Traumatizing Birthday

**Yo, dears. Yesterday was my birthday. WISH ME HAPPY BDAY.**

**So here's a preview of this chappie: "WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"**

**Don't own HP. But as a birthday gift, she should give it to me!**

* * *

I woke up to loud red-and-gold fireworks. I opened one eye to see Alice stumble into the bathroom.

I shut my eye and tried to get back to sleep. Big mistake.

A firework blew up right in front of my nose. My eyes flew open.

"SIRIUS!"

I stomped downstairs.

I glared at Sirius, my hand sneaking to my wand.

He looked terrified.

"You're dead, mate," said Potter cheerfully.

Remus and Peter looked at Sirius sympathetically.

Sirius took off running.

* * *

When I had calmed down enough to support Sirius back to the common room, Sirius was pale and traumatized.

"You ruined my birthday," he mumbled. "Get me a new one."

I smirked, polishing my wand.

"At least wish me happy birthday."

"Never," I said, getting up.

"WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" shouted Sirius.

"No!" I yelled back, heading to the common room bathroom.

I freshened up, because I had chased Sirius all over the castle at 5AM in nothing but a tank top and pajama pants. Merlin, he would be the death of me.

I opened the door, starting to walk out, and bumped into none other than James Potter.

"Hi," he said, grinning at me.

"Hi."

"Milady," he said, stepping aside.

"Thanks, James," I said, forgetting that he was Potter-you-annoying-arrogant-son-of-a-bitch.

He froze, a wide grin spreading over his face.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" I asked.

"You called me James." He stepped into the bathroom. "She called me James," he mumbled happily, shutting the door.

"Nutter," I said, shaking my head.

"Well, he's failed to get you to call him James for five years. It's quite a victory."

I turned. Remus was leaning against the wall.

"He's still a nutter."

"And I still have to sleep in his dorm."

"Touche," I said, grinning.

"Anyway, you want to throw a party for Sirius?" Remus asked.

"No, but you're going to do it anyway, so I'll make sure none of the younger kids or teachers get caught in the crossfire."

He grinned.

"We'll corrupt you soon enough," he said, chuckling.

"Absolutely not," I said, crossing my arms.

"Of course we will," Remus said, slinging his arm around my shoulder. "So. Are we allowed some alcohol?"

"I'd say no, but you're going to spike something anyway."

"Bravo. You're already thinking like a Maurader."

"Oh, shut up," I said, shoving him.

"Now, Sirius' favorite is triple chocolate cake, so..."

* * *

We planned a big party. Sirius got drunk and danced on the table. His robes caught fire. I doused him, as the only sober one in the room.

"You're a smart girl," said Alice, shaking her finger at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "Your reward should be that you kiss James and have lots of babies!"

"I think you're missing a few steps there, Alice," I said, hurrying away to deal with two third years who had gotten tipsy on Mermaid port.

"Here, let me help," said James behind me.

I whipped around.

"Don't you-"

He levitated the boys into their dorms. I rolled my eyes at his drunken stupidity.

"Prat."

"I try," he said gaily.

About an hour later, everyone was drunk, far too drunk. I helped Alice up the stairs.

"Do I sound like a Muggle? Magic doesn't exist," she slurred, giggling.

"Let's get you to bed, honey," I said gently.

That done, I shepherded the rest of the drunk teenagers to their dorms, helped by a tipsy Remus.

I helped James upstairs.

Suddenly, he asked, "Why do you hate me?"

"What?" I said, startled.

"Why do you hate me?" he repeated.

"Go to bed," I told him, flustered.

When I got to bed after cleaning up the common room, I found I couldn't answer his question anymore.

* * *

**WHEW! All done with Sirius' bday! Whatchall think? Also, tell me, between the Golden Trio finding Dramione or Ron/W twins, which would be funnier?**

**It's so fun officially being two years old. I got my first haircut! Bye, my delicious pies!**


	10. Corruption and Deception

**I am disappointed. Only two new reviews. If reviews don't speed up, chapters will slow drastically. HONEST AS HARRY POTTER. Which I don't own by the way.**

* * *

It was my free period, and I was wasting it on Operation Cobra. Damn you, Sirius Black.

As I walked towards the empty classroom's door, I could hear Remus telling the others, "It's going very well. She's already calling him James."

"Excellent!" said Alice, laughing crazily.

"What's going very well, and why do you sound mad, Alice?" I asked, stepping into the room.

"Operation Cobra!" piped Sirius.

"Shut it, Sirius."

"Okay," he said, dropping his head quickly.

"Oh, I'm just giddy 'cause FRANK ASKED ME OUT!" shrieked Alice.

"Really?" I asked, throwing my arms around her.

"Yes!"

We hugged and had a hysterical giggle-fest. Remus and Sirius stared at us, baffled. Remus muttered something to Sirius, who nodded in what looked like relief in response. He mumbled something back, which made Remus shake his head vigorously.

When Alice and I sat down, Remus said, "All right! Let's get to work."

"Yes, Artemis."

"Shut your trap, Sirius. So, James is a lot happier now, but we are now on Mission 2: make them friends."

"Okay, what do we do?" asked Alice.

"_We _don't do anything. Lily here will just hang out with the Marauders until they're friends," said Remus, pleased with his game plan.

I groaned and put my head between my knees.

"What is it, Petal?"

"My reputation will be RUINED."

* * *

**(I was considering finishing the chapter here. You're lucky my bad-mood self is in a good mood.)**

I had taken to sitting with the Marauders in the common room. Peter was still slightly resentful, but, as he put it, as long as James was okay with it, he was okay with it.

Unfortunately, they were always goofing around, and it was hard to do homework.

At some point, I'd had enough.

So the next Hogsmeades trip, I bought Sulfur Quills. They looked like Sugar Quills, but they tasted very strongly of sulfur.

The next day, I presented them with a Sugar Quill box of Sulfur Quills.

"Since you hate doing homework so much," I said sweetly.

In a Transfiguration class dedicated to taking notes, Sirius put a Quill eagerly into his mouth, followed by Peter, James, and Remus.

It was hard to stifle my laughter as they jumped up as one, faces green, and ran out of the classroom.

"That wasn't funny," muttered Sirius during lunch.

"Yes, it was!" I laughed.

"I can still taste it," said James, grimacing.

"I told you we'd corrupt you," said Remus, gargling with pumpkin juice. He spat into an empty glass and Vanished it. "Now I pay the price." He swished pumpkin juice through his teeth.

Alice was shaking with laughter beside me.

"Hil...ar..i..ous," she mouthed.

When she had regained control of herself, she hugged me.

"Brilliant, Lily!"

"That's what you lot get for bothering me while I'm trying to do my homework," I told them smugly.

"Swot."

"Shut up, Sirius."

* * *

**Some filler for y'all. REVIEW, GUYS. NOT KIDDING. REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW! Please?**


	11. In Which Sirius Shuts the Hell Up

**I only got one review for the last chapter. *five thousand crazy axe-murderer emoticons* Don't own Harry Potter. Every time I say that, it is like you are insisting that Sirius is dead. No, voices, don't be stupid, he didn't die... what do you mean, faked torturing Sirius... well duh Harry was doing something impressively, heroically stupid... I don't care about some stupid veil... Sirius is the greatest godfather ever, I know... WHAT DO YOU MEAN BELLATRIX LESTRANGE KILLED HIM!**

* * *

No POV

"Someone stop her!" James screeched, skidding into the common room. Remus followed close behind.

"I think she's really going to do it this time!" he shrieked, dread dancing in his eyes. Peter hurried inside and, arms covering his head, ran behind the couch like a bomb was about to go off.

"What?" somebody yelled.

Peter poked his head over the couch.

"Sirius threw all her books in the lake with peanut butter on them so that the giant squid would eat them!" he said fearfully. "And Sirius is running up here!"

The effect was immediate. The entire common room scattered. Many hid in the dorms and the bathrooms. Two prefects recognized they wouldn't be safe there. So they performed Disillusionment charms on themselves and several first and second years and gathered them into a corner, telling them to be still and silent. The braver ones leapt out of the portrait hole, hoping to find refuge someplace else. Still others tried to lock the portrait hole, but as many of these were third years, their attempts were unsuccessful. Despite the chaos, within thirty seconds, the common room was empty.

"Let's hide, guys, come on!" James took out his cloak out of sight of the Disillusionment kids and crouched in another corner with Peter and Remus.

Not a moment too soon.

Sirius burst into the common room, desperately searching for something, anything, to release him from his fate.

Alas, there was nothing more than a few wimpy sixth years and a group of scared first and second years, all invisible.

He hurried to the staircase, but Lily had arrived. Bright red with anger, she yelled, "_Glisseo!"_ Sirius slid down, landing on his ass.

She advanced on him.

"Now, now, Lily," said Sirius, trying to hide the tremor in his voice. "I'm sure we can work-"

"_Ducklifors!"_

James, Remus, and Peter watched Sirius shrink.

"Lily's a genius," whispered James as he stared at the duck.

"Never gonna let him live this down," muttered Remus slowly, an evil grin spreading over his features.

"Sirius, you will stay like that until Sunday," said Lily brusquely.

The duck quacked, as if to say, _But it's only Wednesday!_

"That's all right," said Lily. "It's not like you've never blown off class before. And-" she leaned down to face the duck, "if you ever tell anyone but a current Gryffindor, Sirius, I will make you wish you'd never been born." She straightened and waved her wand. "The same goes for you lot!" she yelled. Lily stomped out.

James, Remus, and Peter burst out laughing, throwing off the Cloak.

The duck waddled over to them, quacking furiously.

"That was classic," gasped Peter.

"Absolutely amazing," laughed Remus.

"Hysterical," agreed a voice from the girls' staircase.

They glanced over to see Alice coming into view from a Disillusionment charm. Sirius the duck waddled over to her as fast as his little webbed feet could carry him and quacked incessantly and loudly.

"Hush," she laughed. "_Silencio!"_

Sirius flapped his wings in outrage. Then he stumbled over to James, who was the best at Transfiguration besides Lily.

He was also too busy laughing to do anything about poor Sirius' plight.

Until Sirius bit him sharply on the hand.

"Okay, okay," he said, still chuckling. He pulled out his wand and waved it at Sirius. But on Sirius' chest, the feathers were burned off to spell, _Nice try._

Everybody roared with fresh laughter. Sirius flapped his wings helplessly.

* * *

It was Friday, and Sirius wasn't sure if he could hold out much longer. No one had bothered to remove Alice's silencing charm, so all he could do was squat under the table and catch the morsels they threw under the table before Mrs. Norris did.

Mrs. Norris, that filthy creature.

If Sirius had thought he hated Mrs. Norris before, it was nothing to how he felt now.

First, wandering around lost (it's a lot different when you're so small), Mrs. Norris decided to attack him and try to eat him.

She had taken quite a few wing feathers, so he couldn't even try to learn how to fly.

Then she had stolen all the food his friends had left under his bed. How did she even get into the Tower?

She was so mean to him! Always snapping and clawing. No manners at all.

It also didn't help that all his friends got a big kick out of his suffering. His hair(or what passed for hair) was _green, _for Merlin's sake! Damn them.

So on Saturday, Sirius decided to try swimming.

He didn't remember that it was November.

So he got to sit in his bed, with frozen feet and tail, while Alice and Lily laughed, James smirked, and Remus and Peter fussed.

On Sunday, he got to sit on the table because it was his last day as a duck. Sirius stared up at the ceiling, reminding himself happily that it would never look so far away again. Suddenly, there was a ton of laughter pouring in on him from all sides. He looked around, then down, and realized he was a human again!

A human with no clothes on.

Squatting on a table.

In front of his best friend's face.

"OH MERLIN!" he screamed, running out of the great hall.

Remus, Lily, James, Alice, and Peter looked at each other for a moment. Then Lily said, "That was the best thing I've done all year."

The others heartily agreed.

* * *

**I felt like being nice cause this will be the last update in a while. I'm having an enormous party, and NO RUINING IT! Reviews. I felt like this was a very reviewable chapter. So review, if you ever want to hear from this story again! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Also, I'm thinking of doing a trilogy. Thoughts?**


	12. Operation Dragon

**Well, I wasn't intending to post anything for another week, but I got a shiny new cell phone to replace my other crappy one. It put me in a very good mood. Now I can track down Bellatrix Lestrange AND update on my pretty new smartphone! *grins insanely***

**I don't own anything but the plot. *insane pleasure vanishes, replaced by obsessive sadness***

* * *

Remus POV

I stepped into the broom closet.

"Honestly, QoH, could you have found a worse spot?" grumbled Sirius, who was smushed against an enormous tub of Mrs. Scower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, so it claimed in loud yellow letters.

"I didn't want Lily finding us, stupid!" hissed Alice.

"Oh my Merlin," I muttered. "Listen, I was doing some reading, and I found out about this charm that you can cast on two or more objects to make them identical at all times."

"So?" grouched Sirius. He was still pissed about the duck thing. I still giggled whenever I thought about it.

"SO," I said, "we can cast the charm on three notebooks so that each of us will have one. If one of us writes in it, all of us will see it!"

"Brilliant," said Alice.

"Nice, Artemis."

"Shut UP. Who's got some extra pocket money?" I asked.

"My parents only give me twenty galleons a month," said Sirius. "Lucky for me I can steal from Regulus so easily, the idiot. I can buy mine."

"My mom gives me a lot of money," said Alice. "I can buy two."

"Oh, you don't have to-" I started.

"You're just like Lily," she huffed. "Just shut up and let someone help you, for Merlin's sake!"

Sirius snickered.

"Shut up, Padfoot. Okay, Alice, don't have a heart attack."

* * *

We got the notebooks two days later.

I cast the charm. Alice handed out the books. Alice got the red one, I got the blue one, and Sirius got the puke-green one.

"Why do I get this one?" he whined.

"Cause I don't like you," answered Alice.

"Everybody's so mean to me," he pouted.

"Ask yourself why," she said pitilessly.

I used them for the first time in my Charms class.

_Hello, all!_

_Hey, guys._

**_SHUT UP! PETAL'S RIGHT NEXT TO ME, YOU IDIOTS!_**

_Yeah, yeah. She's too busy impressing Slughorn to notice anything about OPERATION DRAGON._

_Oh, Merlin._

_Come on! It's great!_

**_News flash: it's not._**

_Really, Snuffl-_

_Snuf-_

**_What. Did. You. Do._**

_Sorry!_

_*sigh* He charmed them to refer to us as our code names again._

**_By Hagrid's hippogriffs, I hate you._**

_Ha. You can't act on that hatred, CUZ YOU LOVE ME._

**_If you say so._**

_I'm wounded._

_Back to the subject._

**_What was that again?_**

_OPERATION DRAGON._

_Oh yes. Thank you, Snuffles._

**_Artemis, are you trying to be civil, in hopes that it will rub off on us?_**

_Yes, QoH._

_Fat bloody chance._

**_Snuffles said something intelligent. Mark that down, see if he breaks the record and says something else smart this year._**

_Shut up, QoH._

_ANYWAY, Petal is now calling Prongs by his first name._

**_HAHA! Bet he was over the moon!_**

_You're so mean to Prongs._

_**No, I'm mean to you. Your face bothers me.**_

_Be mean to Prongs! NO ONE INSULTS MY FACE!_

_SO, QOH, UPDATE ON PETAL'S REACTIONS?_

**_She told me last night that 'maybe Prongs's not as much as an arrogant, irritating, bullying son of a bitch I thought he was.' And Snuffles, Petal and Prongs aren't even part of this thing._**

_So? OH SHIT!_

_What?_

_Doaoids spailadling Metamordkjfaphosis potisjfon ruoaksdin tksadjhese thiksdjngs?_

_Snuffles! QoH, what did he do?_

**_He spilled Metamorphosis potion all over Diggory and his desk_**

_I hate you, Snuffles. This charm was HARD._

**_Okay, now let's get to work!_**

_Agreed!_

**_I think that Petal should first be worked on, Prongs doesn't need any prodding._**

_Great! She's your best friend, so you should kind of poke her in the right direction. For example, at Hogsmeade, I'll drag them into the Three Broomsticks, where you and Petal will walk in._

**_Then we'll all find excuses to leave!_**

_They'll be alone!_

_AND UST WILL RESULT!_

_...why are you here._

**_He cleaned up._**

_What's UST?_

No POV

In their Potions class, Alice and Sirius randomly burst into laughter. Slughorn frowned at them, and Lily poked Alice. Diggory was still in the hospital wing with green hair, purple skin, and a pig nose.

_Anyone want to answer?_

_Hello?_

_QoH?_

_Snuffles?_

_Guys?_

**_Merlin, Artemis, you really don't know?_**

_I'm not telling him! Let him stew in his own ignorance!_

**_It stands for Unresolved Sexual Tension._**

_Prongs is a virgin, though!_

**_REALLY?_**

_Traitor._

_Sorry!_

**_He's a VIRGIN? But any girl in the school would have him!_**

_He wanted his first to be Petal._

**_Wow..._**

_Yeah._

**_I'm telling Petal._**

_WHAT?_

_NO!_

**_Listen, knowing that Prongs stayed a virgin for her would really help Op. GGT!_**

_NO! OPERATION DRAGON!_

_GGT?_

**_The Great Getting-Together._**

_Ah._

_Speaking of girls, a very nice-looking one just entered the classroom..._

**_That's a second-year, you pervert._**

_Darn._

_Oh, crap. Gotta go, Flitwick called on me to demonstrate and I haven't got a clue what he said._

_REALLY? STRAIGHT-O ARTEMIS?_

**_Snuffles?_**

_Yes, m'lady?_

**_Frank's lady. Anyway, Sluggy's asking to see your potion._**

_I DIDN'T FINISH!_

**_Oh well._**

_Curse you and all of your descendants._

* * *

No POV

"Well, Mr. Black?" asked Slughorn.

"It all fell on Diggory!" lied Sirius.

"I can see some in your cauldron."

"Oh, what a pleasant surprise!" yelped Sirius, giggling nervously.

"Mr. Black..."

Sirius shoved his hands into his pockets, praying that these were the robes he had last worn to Hogsmeades.

Thankfully, they were.

He tossed some fireworks into Sammy Abbott's cauldron beside him. It exploded all over everyone.

Diggory was not the only one in the hospital wing due to badly made Metamorphosis potion that afternoon.

* * *

**HA HA! YOU WILL NEVER KILL SIRIUS BLACK AGAIN! *casts crucio, then AK***

***laughs insanely while eating Bellatrix's heart***

**Oh! Didn't see you there. *chuckles nervously* If you review, I won't hunt you down to uh, shut you up about this.**


	13. She Told Me

I am not impressed with the number of reviews... school has slowed me down, but if you don't review, I'll only post on Sundays when I have nothing better to do!

* * *

"I despise you," I mumbled, waiting in line to get into the hospital wing. I had a huge nose that took up my whole face.

"You're not the only victim," moaned Alice. She was sporting enormous magenta eyes, tiny ears, and a bald, green head.

"How did you even get like that?" asked Sammy. His speech was somewhat muffled due to the fact that he had puffed up blue lips and misshapen yellow hands.

"Lily pushed me in front of her. Thanks a lot, Lily."

"Hey! I suffered too!" I protested. "Besides, this is all Sirius' fault!"

"How is it my fault?" yelped Sirius.

"You threw fireworks in my cauldron and probably wrecked my grade," said Sammy. I think he was trying to sound angry, but his huge lips wouldn't let him speak properly.

"I got the worst," announced Sirius.

The line of twenty kids plus Slughorn looked at him slowly.

He had pink hair.

That was it.

"Oh, Merlin, Sirius, if you complain..." I threatened.

"No! I want to kill him!" shouted James, who had piss-yellow, long, curly hair and orange skin. I stifled a laugh as I thought of Petunia when she dyed her hair.

"He's mine," I said, glaring at James.

"Absolutely not. He's my best friend, I get to kill him," said James stubbornly.

"Excuse me, I suffered the worst!" Alice broke in.

"He threw the fireworks into my cauldron!" complained Sammy.

The line clumped into one big group, arguing about who got to kill Sirius. It was quite fun, really. Eventually, even Slughorn entered the fray, bellowing, "HE'S MY STUDENT!"

I saw Sirius sitting down dejectedly. I chuckled and poked Alice.

"Aw, poor guy."

"He deserves it," I said, gesturing at her unrecognizable face.

"True."

After a moment, I asked, "Why isn't Remus here?"

"He got an above-O score on the OWLs, so he's taking a seventh year class."

"Wow. How do you get an above O?" I asked.

Alice laughed. "Of course that'd be the first question you ask," she chuckled.

"Shut up."

"Hello, ladies," said James.

I turned and felt a genuine smile break over my face.

"Hi, James," I said.

"Hi," said Alice.

We stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"So how about them Chudley Cannons?" asked James.

Alice started laughing. "Are you kidding? They suck!"

Tension broken, I listened as James defended the Chudley Cannons and Alice counted off the games they had won.

"... and that one against the Falcons!" finished Alice.

"Well, they won the League Cup twenty one times!"

"_Almost a hundred years ago!"_

"There's still hope!"

"No, there isn't! They're dead, James, face it."

Finished with James' soul-crushing, Alice turned to me, waved, and said, "See ya!"

"Merlin, Alice is mean," he said, staring after her.

"The Chudley Cannons do suck," I said, smiling.

"I know," he said, grinning. "I would never support a team like that. I just said that to see Alice's reaction."

I laughed.

"She told me," he said, avoiding my eyes.

I drew in a sharp breath. Alice was a gossip. Unfortunately, she was also my best friend, and as such, I told her everything.

"Um, about what happened before you came to Hogwarts?"

"There was about eleven years there, you're going to have to be a little more specific," I said, annoyed.

"I mean, about your sister, about Sni-Snape, your parents," James said nervously.

"What do you want me to say?" I snapped, trying to ignore the pain in my heart.

"No," he said, running his hand nervously through his hair. "I just wanted to say sorry."

"What?" I asked, hostility gone.

"I'm really sorry. For all the crap I put you through. Like the exploding cake."

"And that God-awful song you made the armor sing," I said, grinning.

James smiled and joined the game.

"And the temporary tattoo."

"And those really terrible pickup lines," I said. "My favorite was, 'Are you from Alaska? Because Alaskya to go out with me.'"

James winced at the memory.

"Yeah, well, I was kind of stupid."

"Kind of?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Shut up."

"Evans!" called Madame Pomfrey from the door.

"Bye," I said to James.

"Bye," he said quietly.

Almost sadly.

* * *

**My muse ran away. I'd send Bellatrix Lestrange after my dear muse, but I ate her entrails so... she's out...**

**But if you review, I promise you she'll come back! (my muse, not Lestrange. No, that's freaking scary.)**


	14. Christmas(or almost, anyway)

**YESTERDAY WAS FRIDAY 13TH! DID ANY OF MY REVIEWERS GET MURDERED?**

**Speaking of reviewers, this is your FINAL chance. Review lots or you won't hear from me till next Sunday. Oh, I haven't done a disclaimer in a couple chapters. I don't own Harry Potter. *rocks back and forth, biting nails* Consider it done for the story.**

* * *

Christmas in a week.

Oh, joy.

At least, Sirius seemed to think so.

When I got down to the common room, he was wrapped with red and green tinsel and had a Santa hat on.

And screaming christmas carols.

"LILY!" he yelled, skipping to me.

"Hi, Sirius," I said. "Are you drunk?"

"Yes! On the beauty and merriness of the season!" he said happily.

"It's not even Christmas yet," I said. Sirius grinned and began skipping around the common room.

"CHRISTMAS IS COMING, THE GOOSE IS GETTING FAT! PLEASE PUT A PENNY IN THE OLD MAN'S HAT!"

He stopped, looking confused.

"What's a penny?" he asked.

Alice, James, Peter, and I were too busy laughing to answer him.

Remus smiled and said, "It's a kind of currency."

"Oh," said Sirius. He started skipping again.

"IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT A PENNY, A HA'PENNY WILL DO!"

"No one tell him that Slughorn is serving icewine at the Christmas party," James stage-whispered.

We chuckled and nodded.

Sirius stopped again.

"Wait," he said slowly.

"What?" asked Alice.

"Lily," he said.

"What?"

A big smile broke over Sirius' face.

"YOU'RE CHRISTMAS!"

"What?" I asked. "How am I Christmas?"

"Red hair, green eyes! Christmas is all over you!" he said, very proud of himself.

"Oh, Merlin's pajamas," I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Merlin's pajamas?" asked James, raising his eyebrows.

"I once gave my sister pajamas with little pictures of Merlin on them," I said, grinning.

"Oh, yeah, that was priceless," laughed Alice. "Remember when we put slow-drying glue on a crab's pincers, wrapped it, and sent it to Angus Crabbe?"

I cracked up. "That was amazing. He ran all over the Great Hall with the crab stuck to his fingers, screaming, "It's trying to eat me!""

"That was _you?" _asked Remus, flabbergasted.

"When I do stuff like that, you call me a bullying idiotic prat!" cried James.

"He deserved it!" Alice protested.

"He tried to attack me and Alice in the corridors!"

"What other things have you done?" asked James, intrigued.

"There was that one time we sent Dumbledore an Easter card that vomited melted chocolate," said Alice thoughtfully.

James, Peter and Remus burst out laughing.

"That's pretty much it," I said.

"Those are good," said James.

"Hell of a lot better than yours."

"What!" James exclaimed. "Why's that, Alice?"

"Too flashy. If you were more subtle, you wouldn't get caught so much."

"But then how would we get detention?" asked Sirius, who had apparently exhausted his supply of Christmas carols.

Alice blinked at him, confused.

"But-"

"And how would half the teachers hate us?" added James.

"And how would we have fun?" Remus chimed in.

"And how would everyone in the school know who we are?" finished Peter.

"We're _Mauraders!" _they chorused.

After a moment of silence and confused looks between Alice and I, I finally said, "So are you lot staying for Christmas?"

"We all are," said Remus. "Every year."

"We're going home," said Alice.

I slumped back in my chair.

"Yeah."

"What's up?" asked James.

"What?" I looked up.

"You look like someone just died."

"My sister," I said heavily.

"Your sister died?" asked Sirius, confused.

"No. My sister's going home too."

"Generally, that'd be a good thing," said Sirius.

"No. She hates me 'cause I'm a witch."

Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat in shocked silence.

I stood up abruptly.

"I'm going to have breakfast," I said shortly.

As I left, I heard James say angrily, "Nice, Padfoot."

I walked a little faster, wondering why it got worse.

* * *

**My muse is back, but she's drowning, along with the plot, in my math class. SAVE THEM WITH REVIEWS!**


	15. Love

"CHRISTMAS IS OVER!" I screamed joyfully, throwing myself into Alice's arms. Unfortunately, she was short, so she toppled over, which toppled her trunk, which toppled me, which toppled my trunk.

"Next time, just toss all my stuff on the tracks, why don't you?" muttered Alice, picking up her trunk. "I have never met anyone so unenthusiastic about Christmas."

Even as I helped Alice hoist the trunks and owl cages onto the trolley, I had a huge grin on my face.

"No more insults! No more salt in my tea! No more colors mixed with my whites! No more pictures of her and Dursley all over the house! No more stealing my owl! No more-"

"No more Petunia! I get it! Now let's go!" said Alice tiredly. She pulled me through the barrier and onto the train. "Merlin, Lily, the train was moving when we got on."

I was still chattering excitedly.

Alice sighed.

_"Silencio."_

I stared at her in shock, amazed that she would have the nerve to actually Silence me. Didn't she know what I was capable of? This lasted approximately .38 seconds, though, and then I started screaming soundlessly. I took out my wand. _Finite incantem,_ I thought.

"-AND I WILL NEVER BLOODY FORGIVE YOU!" I finished.

"I was spared most of that, right?"

"Yeah. I wanted to turn you into a squirrel, but you get the friend discount."

"How nice for me. Ooh, look, candy!" Alice hopped up and slid open the door.

"SKEETER?"

"WHAT?" I jumped up and peered over Alice's shoulder.

Sure enough, it was Rita Skeeter running the candy cart.

She was twenty-five and a new journalist. In Hogsmeade with Alice and our friend Hestia, I'd met her once with a boyfriend. She'd tried to seduce him. And Alice's boyfriend. AND Hestia's boyfriend.

I privately called her Rita Skanker. She tried to shag everything with legs.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her with great dislike.

She sniffed. "If you must know, Evans, I needed the extra few galleons."

"I'll take some Drooble's," broke in Alice.

"Bertie Bott's," I said, glaring at Skeeter. I had read some of her stories. Whatever hatred I had felt for James Potter, I hated Skeeter twice as much.

"Sorry, we're out," she said, moving her hand swiftly to cover the three boxes left. Bitch.

I Summoned them. "Bitch," I sneered. I tossed her two galleons and stomped back into the compartment, Alice trailing meekly behind me. I slammed the door shut.

"Hate that bloody slut," I grumbled, popping a white one into my mouth. Snow.

"Mm." Alice was preoccupied with her bubble gum. "Mm!" It was larger than her head.

I chewed a chicken-flavored bean. "I mean, did you see her clothes under her robes? Can we say WHORE."

"Oh shit," Alice said, voice muffled. The bubble had exploded all over her face and shoulders. Laughing, I choked on my saltwater bean.

* * *

When we finally arrived, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Unfortunately, a certain person whose name started with a _Sirius_ and ended with a _Black_ bothered me nonstop.

"ALICELILYALICELILYALICELILYALICELILY!" he shouted, running to us as we arrived in the Great Hall.

"Jesus Christ, Sirius, be a little more obnoxious, why don't you?" I mumbled.

"Okay!" Sirius said brightly. _"ALICELILYALICELILYALICELILYALICELILY!_" he screamed even louder.

"Ears!" yelped Alice, clapping her hands over her ears. "Ears breaking!"

"Ears!" mimicked James, walking up to us. "You've got fragile ears, Ally dear. Paddy here has screamed far louder than that in the dorms."

"I pity your stolen childhood. Oh, wait, it hasn't been stolen yet, has it?" asked Alice innocently.

Remus, who had just arrived, choked on his pumpkin juice. Sirius glared. James looked startled. I stared, confused.

"Why are we all standing in the doorway of the Great Hall?" I asked.

"Sirius," said Alice instantly.

"Oh, everything's _my_ fault, right?"

* * *

After dinner, I bade Alice toodles and went wandering. I found my favorite place to think, the second tallest tower.

To my surprise, there was already a tall boy staring out the window, back to the door.

"Hi," I said.

He turned around. It was none other than Sirius Black.

Sirius smiled at me. It wasn't his usual happy smile that made him seem like a bottle of sunlight. It was a small, miserable one and it didn't fit Sirius at all.

"Hi," he said.

"What's wrong? You look sad," I said.

"My family sent me a Howler full of bubotuber pus on Christmas," said Sirius.

"My sister, Petunia, replaced all my toothpaste with cream cheese. Families suck, don't they?"

"Yeah," said Sirius, smiling slightly.

"Why doesn't your family like you?" I asked. I mentally hit myself. _Real tactful, Evans._

"Well, they're one of those pureblood families that think blood is everything. They've all been in Slytherin for generations and generations. I try not to put up with too much of their crap."

I stared silently at the floor. When I looked up, to my surprise, tears were sliding slowly down Sirius' face.

I didn't think about it. I moved forward and hugged him, pressing my cheek against his chest. He bent, wrapped his arms around me and cried into my shoulder.

I didn't have any romantic feelings for him at all. But I felt the same love Petunia and I had shared, once upon a time.

* * *

**SIRIUS AND LILY BONDING! SQUEEEE! I promise, to make up for an entirely friendshippy Sirius/Lily chapter, I'll have loads and loads of Jily VERY SOON. Also, thanks to GildedHylia for alerting me to the fact that there is ZERO SNAPE in this story. I'll throw in some one-sided Snily in there for ya.**


	16. The Party Part I

"Why are we still meeting?" I asked. "I think we've pretty much 'fixed James,' guys."

"We're just making it official," said Alice.

"Making what official?" asked Remus, walking in.

"The end of Operation Cobra," said Sirius dramatically, placing his hand on his heart.

"I'm so glad this is over. Now I don't have to put up with you anymore," said Alice.

"You wound me!" cried Sirius, staring at her with puppy eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I bought these at Hogsmeades to celebrate with," announced Alice, pulling a bottle of firewhiskey and a huge box of every candy I could think of out of her bag.

"Alice!" said Remus, aghast. "What have you done?"

"Excellent!" declared Sirius, grabbing the bottle. I snatched it away from him.

"Let's wait until Friday, yes? We're having test in DADA tomorrow and I don't want to be hungover," I said.

"Yes!" exclaimed Alice. "We can throw a party instead!"

"Why did you say anything, Lily," groaned Remus. Sirius and Alice put their heads together, planning.

"Oops."

* * *

After dinner that Friday, James and Sirius stole away. I didn't know where they had gone, but they came back with firewhiskey, mulled mead, butterbeer, and centaur-made vodka. Plus a truckload of desserts and candy.

"Lovely!" said Hestia Jones. She was a good friend of Alice and mine and had taken charge of planning the party. "Now, let's go, Alice, Lily."

"Where are we going?" I asked. They didn't answer, but Hestia grabbed me and pulled me to the dorm bathroom. Alice followed. THey both had grim expressions on their faces. "What's going on?" I asked. Cold dread settled over my heart as a thought came to my mind.

Hestia opened her drawer and pulled out her makeup. Alice dug through her drawer and got out her hair equipment. I didn't have any idea what most of it was, except for the brush.

"Mary!" called Hestia. I watched in despair as Mary came in, armed with several dozen outfits and shoes.

She grinned at me. "Oh, don't worry, Lily. We'll be done before you know it." Mary laughed as she looked through the shades of some kind of makeup. Maybe it was just me, but it sounded sadistic.

"Mary!" I appealed. "Save me!" Mary laughed. "You're getting this makeover, Lily." Mary was loud, brash, big, and passionate. Her best subject was DADA, she played Quidditch and swam in the lake all the time, so she was muscular too. Overall, a good person to have on your side. Unfortunately, on the matter of girly things, Mary liked dressing me up like a doll. Yeah, then _she_ got to look badass.

They converged on me like a pack of sharks on a poor little dolphin.

"Remember in second year when we swore we'd be good friends forever?" I pleaded. My hand was sneaking to my pocket.

"Sorry, Lily," said Hestia. Mary was twirling my wand in her fingers.

"_Please," _I begged.

They grinned. And Alice raised the brush.

* * *

Two hours later, when the first beats of bass began pumping downstairs, all four of us emerged. My whole body stung from the rough treatment.

Alice was dressed in a knee-length flowy white dress, with small white heels. She looked adorable. Hestia was wearing a tight red strapless dress. It came to her thighs. In my opinion, she was the sexiest one here. Mary was wearing a black camisole, black leather pants, and black boots. Oh, I wanted to be wearing that _so much._ I was wearing a deep green tight dress that went to my knees, then flowed out. I despised it.

"Gah," I groaned. "Hestia, where do you get such painful shoes?"

"Those look amazing on you, Lily," said Alice.

"And you!" I said, whirling on her. Well, I tried to whirl. My damn stilettos almost toppled me. Alice giggled.

"What?" she asked.

"This jewelry! Where do you get all this crap?"

She shrugged.

I turned my glare on Mary.

"This dress will make me pass out," I said.

Alice rolled her eyes.

"How?"

"It's so tight!" I said, almost screaming.

"I've been in tighter," bragged Hestia.

"How did you accomplish that?" I asked, truly astonished.

"I remember that," said Mary, chuckling. "Amos Diggory's eyes about popped out of his head."

"As did Sirius Black's," Alice teased. It was a well-known fact that Hestia had a major crush on Sirius.

"Yeah, remember Dorcas Meadowes? When she saw you, she spent the rest of the evening trying to seduce Sirius," laughed Mary.

I stared. "Tried? Sirius will bang any female to look his way."

"Have you seen Meadowes? She looks like a blonde rat with a wand stuck up her ass," said Hestia viciously.

"Just because she's dating your ex," I chuckled.

"That is not a laughing matter!" cried Hestia.

We arrived downstairs. Fifth, sixth, seventh, and a few fourth years were in the common room. An already-drunk Alex McLaggen threw his arm around me and Hestia.

"You gals're pretty," he slurred, planting a wet kiss on Hestia's cheek. Mary punched him in the stomach.

"Ow," he mumbled, lumbering away.

"Thanks, Mary," said Hestia, wiping her face.

"Well, hello, pretties," said Sirius, coming up to us.

"I hate my dress," I said. "Help me!"

Sirius smirked. "James seems to appreciate it."

I peered around him. James was staring at me with a slack jaw.

"Oh, for-" I stomped over to him and poked his chest. "What you looking at?"

"Nothing!" James said quickly. "Just- your hair is pretty."

I raised a hand to my hair almost without realizing it. Alice had forced it into curls. Then she had piled the curls on top of my head and let several locks dangle around my face.

"Oh- well, thanks," I said, flustered.

We stood in silence for a minute.

"So... is there an occasion?" he asked.

"What?"

"Well, I heard it was you, Alice, Sirius, and Remus who are throwing this party. What's the occasion?"

"No reason. I wish we didn't, though. I really, really hate this dress. I swear to Merlin, it's suffocating me." I squirmed in discomfort.

James laughed. I glared at him.

"I wasn't joking."

"I know." He kept laughing.

"Ugh!" I stamped my foot. "I _hate_ you, James!"

"I'm wounded!" James cried.

I squinted. "Are you imitating Sirius?"

James shrugged. "Seeing as he's got a new girlfriend every week, he must be doing something right."

I waved my manicured hand. "They only like him 'cause he's hot."

"You think he's... hot?" James wrinkled his nose, as if it was a novel concept.

"Well, yeah, that's just a fact. Like Hestia's hot. She just is," I said matter-of-factly.

"I'm flattered."

I turned. Hestia was standing there with raised eyebrows.

"Hey, Hest."

"Hi, Hestia," greeted James.

"Just wanted to know when you'd get a room," she said, sipping from a plastic cup. James turned red.

"I hate you, Hestia," I said conversationally. "Also, how did Marlene McKinnon get in here? Isn't she in Ravenclaw?"

"I think she's dating McLaggen," answered Hestia.

"Hey, is that icewine? Where'd you get it? I love that stuff!" I said, snatching her cup and downing it.

"Damn you, Lily."

"Go get drunk, Hestia."

"You got it," Hestia said happily. She left. I got myself a cup of vodka.

"You've got weird friends, Lily," said James.

"I was normal before I met them," I sighed, getting to my second cup of vodka. James chuckled.

"Yeah. But you wouldn't give them up for the world, would you?" he asked, watching me closely.

"Nope," I said, feeling sleepy on my third cup.

"No," he said. "Same here."

I kept drinking, which was a mistake. I wobbled over to the armchair and collapsed onto it. I held consiousness just long enough to feel James kiss my forehead lightly and whisper, "Goodnight, Lily."

* * *

**I CAN EXPLAIN! Okay, I had six tests last week, I'm not exaggerating. And my friend moved half a world away, so saying goodbye was taking priority. Also, my stupid teachers decided to assign a ton of homework this weekend. ALSO, I missed this Friday's Legend of Korra episode, which was sad. ALSO, I'm waiting for this week's OUaT episode. So as you can see, I was far too busy to update. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!**

**Moving on, in the future, if you are in need of my genius Jily, my other work is a lot of Jily so... read other stuff on my page.**


	17. The Party Part II

**Even if she's not reading this, I would like to thank Esin of Sardis for her insightful, helpful comments.**

**That said, I want to establish that there will be three party chapters, one from Lily's POV, one from James' POV, and one from Op. Dragon's POV (which Hestia has now joined, BTW).**

**Also, I would like to say this in tribute to a student in my school who died this week:**

**I didn't know you, but I wish I had. In sixth grade, you gave my best friend lunch when she had no money. Yesterday, almost everyone in the school wore black for you. A girl in my class had to be taken home, she was crying so hard. A boy in my grade was sobbing silently the whole day. I guess I just want you to know: you had a lot of friends.**

**And you were a great trumpet player.**

* * *

James POV

I could hardly believe my luck.

Lily was actually being nice to me. And while it wasn't as much as I wanted, it was something. Friendship was better than hatred. Which was why, I guess, I felt just a little bad for Snape.

Just being on the receiving end of Lily's anger was frightening enough. But to have had a real chance with her, only to throw it away without thinking? It must've been so much worse.

I couldn't believe that I was empathizing with Snape.

I felt a little too fenced in. So that Thursday, I crept down and slipped into the Forbidden Forest. There, I turned into a stag.

Frankly, I preferred being a stag to a human. I had long, muscular legs that made me feel like I could run to London and back. On more than one occasion, I had driven away an unfriendly centaur or a hungry wolf with my antlers. Being human felt so _limiting._

As I got deeper in, less and less light filtered through the trees. Soon, it looked like dusk, though it was barely four.

I decided to track down a unicorn. I'd never gotten close to one.

It probably wasn't one of my best ideas. It was also probably stupid, not to mention dangerous. But I guess it didn't matter, since I never found one anyway.

I wove through a particularly thick patch of trees, nose raised and ears pricked. I heard a voice.

I trotted quietly, following the voice. As I got closer, I realized it was the voice of- guess who- Snape.

_Shit._

I meant to turn and go back, but just then, Snape blundered through the bushes in front of me. He stumbled and glanced up at me. His eyes went wide.

I felt an automatic shiver of revulsion go through me.

I didn't move, though.

Snape took a tentative step toward me.

"Hi," he said softly.

An insult rose to my tongue immediately, like instinct.

_Were you talking to the squirrels back there? Or are the bowtruckles better listeners?_

"My name is Severus," he said. He took another step toward me.

I started nervously. I figured Snape was the type to rant to forest animals about how someday he would join Voldemort or kill Dumbledore or something.

"Did you know-" he stepped closer, "-that Lily's Patronus is a doe?"

I froze.

Snape was now close enough to touch me.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Last year I called her a- a mudblood. Lily hates me now." A single tear slipped down his cheek. But his voice didn't waver.

"Did you know that the reason she's so good at Potions is because I tutored her until third year? Did you know that she hates lilies? Did you know that she likes Quidditch? Did you know that she's both a morning person and a night owl? Did you know that she loves to play the flute? Did you know that her favorite subject is Arithmancy because it's the only subject even remotely similar to Muggle subjects? Did you know that James Potter loves her?" Tears were pouring down his face now.

"I missed my chance," he whispered. He raised his hand slowly and scratched my ears like I used to do to my grandmother's cat. His long fingernail scraped the sensitive inside of my ear. I twitched my ears and Snape withdrew his hand.

Deep sadness for Snape weighed down my heart. I couldn't believe that Snape

_Snivelly the greasy little snake_

_Snape, _of all people, had liked, maybe even loved, Lily Evans.

But some dark, twisted little corner of me reveled in it. I took a savage pleasure in Snape's pain.

_He admitted it I love her more he missed his chance HE ADMITTED IT_

_No, stop it, that's awful._

But it was true.

Nobody ever said Gryffindors were saints.

* * *

The next day, Friday, Sirius was buisily putting together a party. Apparently, Alice and Hestia were helping him.

Unfortunately, I learned this in the middle of my after-dinner nap. I spent almost every night wandering about the castle with the other Marauders, so I definitely needed it.

Here's how it happened:

Sirius: PRONGS!

Me: *snores*

Sirius: PRONGS!

Me: *rolls over*

Sirius: *jumps on said Prongs*

Me: *punches strange alien invader in face*

Sirius: PRONGS! BLOODY OW!

Me: Wuzzgoinon?

Sirius: You damaged my face!

Me: Sorry, mate.

Sirius: Can I borrow your Invisibility Cloak? Emmeline Vance is looking verrry nice this afternoon.

I bolted up. "You're not having sex under my Cloak!" I yelped.

Sirius grinned. "Nope, I'm throwing a party. I need supplies."

I threw back the blankets.

"I'll come with you," I offered. My thoughts had been entirely too full of Snape lately. A party was just what I needed. "Otherwise you'll forget the firewhiskey again."

"Oh, come on, that was that one time!" he whined. "Fine, get the Cloak."

* * *

Sirius had done a good job. The music was too loud, the tables were too full of alcohol and all manner of unhealthy things, and there was an abundance of scantily-clad girls.

I just wasn't enjoying it that much.

I stepped into the common room and looked around. The common room was insanity embodied. Alex McLaggen seemed to be in a who-can-drink-the-most-firewhiskey contest with Amelia Bones, the Head Girl. In a corner, Max Lorden had one girl grinding on him and was flirting with another. Sirius was watching two girls make out, mouth open. A giggling couple under the couch were apparently skipping first, second, and third base. Peter was dancing.

Like I said, insanity.

I got myself a cup of butterbeer and hopped out of the way of a drunk Alex McLaggen. Amelia was receiving congratulations, so I went up and told her that she kicked that McLaggen's ass good.

I heard a muffled thump and an _ow, _so I turned to deal with it as one of the only completely sober people in the room. Hestia, Alice, Mary, and Lily were standing there.

My jaw dropped. Lily was gorgeous.

I mean, she was always gorgeous, but there had to be some kind of law about being that gorgeous.

The voice in the back of my head trying to get me to get over Lily keeled over and died a painful death. That's how gorgeous Lily was.

Sirius tore his eyes away from the girls and swaggered over to Lily, Hestia, Alice, and Mary. He started talking, but his eyes kept flitting back to Hestia. The lunatic had liked her since the OWLs, when she had hexed us for the Snape Incident. He claimed that she was sexy when she was mad. Yeah, right, and all Sirius wanted to do was screw her. And I was a flobberworm.

I was suddenly aware that Lily seemed to be getting closer. This revelation was confirmed by Lily poking her sharp nail into my chest.

"What you looking at?" she demanded.

"Nothing!" I said quickly. I stared at her face for a moment, letting myself let go for exactly one second. "Just- your hair is pretty."

Lily put her hand on her hair absentmindedly. Her face turned a pretty shade of pink.

"Oh- well, thanks," she mumbled.

I shuffled my feet and tried to think of something to say.

"So... is there an occasion?" I asked finally.

"What?" she said, confused.

"Well, I heard it was you, Alice, Sirius, and Remus who are throwing this party. What's the occasion?" I said, already regretting the question.

"No reason. I wish we didn't, though. I really, really hate this dress. I swear to Merlin, it's suffocating me," she said petulantly.

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Lily was holding a conversation with me. A real conversation! There was no hexing or yelling or insulting!

"I wasn't joking," Lily said, staring at me.

"I know," I said through my laughter. I felt like the time Sirius brought pot to the dorm in fourth year and we all tried it.

"Ugh!" She stomped her heeled foot. "I hate you!"

_Well, Sirius does this all the time, and he's in bed with another girl every other day. Might as well try, right?_

"I'm wounded!" I exclaimed.

"Are you imitating Sirius?" Lily asked, disbelief showing on her face.

_Crap._

"Seeing as he's got a new girlfriend every week, he must be doing something right," I said, shrugging.

"They only like him 'cause he's hot," she said dismissively, flapping her hand.

"You think he's... hot?" I wrinkled my nose. Sirius was a womanizer, but he was, for all intents and purposes, my brother. Nobody thinks of their brother as _hot._

"Well, yeah, that's just a fact. Like Hestia's hot. She just is," Lily answered.

This was strange. Friends do not call friends hot.

"I'm flattered." I looked over Lily's shoulder to see Hestia, wearing a tight red dress. Her eyebrows were raised.

"Hey, Hest," greeted Lily, as if she hadn't been just talking about how hot Hestia was. Girls were weird.

"Hi, Hestia," I said, smiling briefly at her.

"Just wanted to know when you'd get a room," said Hestia casually, taking a gulp of a whitish liquid in her cup. Icewine.

My face got hot.

"I hate you, Hestia," said Lily mildly. "Also, how did Marlene McKinnon get in here? Isn't she in Ravenclaw?"

"I think she's dating McLaggen," replied Hestia.

"Hey, is that icewine? Where'd you get it? I love that stuff!" exclaimed Lily, grabbing Hestia's cup and drinking it.

"Damn you, Lily," said Hestia, eyes settling on Sirus. Huh.

"Go get drunk, Hestia," said Lily, already turning her attention away from Hestia.

"You got it," Hestia said, content. She wandered away.

"You've got weird friends, Lily," I said, trying and failing to comprehend what Lily called friendship. Lily poured herself a plastic cup of the centaur-made vodka. The vodka was almost as strong as firewhiskey.

"I was normal before I met them," Lily said sadly. She finished her first shot and took another. I laughed quietly.

_I doubt you were ever _normal, _Lily._

"Yeah. But you wouldn't give them up for the world, would you?" I asked carefully.

"Nope," she answered woozily.

"No," I said thoughtfully. "Same here."

Lily kept drinking. On her fifth or sixth shot, I took the cup from her gently and guided her over to an armchair by the fire. I waited until I was almost sure she had fallen unconsious before I kissed her forehead softly.

"Goodnight, Lily."

I sat with her as people made out, got drunker, and started passing out. The common room started clearing out. A lot of people were passed out on the furniture, but some made it to the dorms.

Mary was helping Remus put away the unfinished alcohol. I got up and joined them. We cleaned up, then levitated the people in the common rooms to their dorms.

Afterward, Remus was reading some fat novel, while Mary and I played Exploding Snap. It was nice, to sit and not do anything important.

I liked Mary. She had been a Beater on my team since third year. We'd been friends since then, back when obsessive Astor Cameron had been captain.

First Remus, then Mary said goodnight and went to bed. I leaned back, thinking about Snape and Lily, Snape, and Lily.

Without realizing it, my eyes drooped closed and I fell asleep.


	18. The Party Part lll

**I spend too much money on iTunes. Anyway, promote to e-friends! Give e-reviews! You'll get e-cookies! On with some e-Jily!**

* * *

_Sirius_

**_Alice_**

_Remus_

**_Hestia_**

Alice POV

When I arrived in the empty classroom, Sirius was already lounging in a chair. He was leaning back on the back legs.

"You're going to crack your head open," I commented, sitting down.

He didn't answer. He was scribbling in his Op. Dragon notebook.

I pulled out my own and read Remus' and Sirius' conversation.

_Hihihihi Artemis! How is OPERATION DRAGON going?_

_Absolutely wonderful, now that you're talking._

_I knew you loved me! But really. How goes it?_

_How the hell should I know? You're closer to both Prongs and Petal (really, Snuffles, this codename thing is ridiculous) than I am._

_LE GASP! ARTEMIS SWORE!_

_Le?_

_My parents made me take French._

_That must have been thrilling._

_I failed._

_I suspected as much._

_Hey!_

**_Hi, guys._**

_QoH, Artemis is being mean._

**_What am I, your mother?_**

_Is your name Walburga? Do you have an absurdly big mouth and even bigger lungs? Are you an extreme pureblood supremacist? Do you uphold the tradition of cutting off the heads of house-elves when they get old? Are you probably in an affair with a disgusting excuse for a house-elf? Do you insult me at every opportunity?_

**_I am not sure how to respond to that._**

_Don't._

**_Well, Snuffles, why are you writing when you're sitting in the same room as I am?_**

_Well, why are you?_

**_Because you are._**

_I am because you are!_

**_No, I am!_**

_Yes, I am!_

**_No!_**

_Yes!_

**_No!_**

_Yes!_

**_No!_**

_Yes!_

**_Do you like Hestia?_**

_Yes! Wait, what?_

**_I knew it!_**

_Well done. You truly are the Queen of Hearts._

_No! That doesn't count!_

**_Does. You even put an exclamation point._**

_I thought you were saying something else!_

_We technically aren't 'saying' anything._

_Shut up, Artemis. QoH, that doesn't prove anything!_

_Guys, shut up. Petal's right outside the door._

I slipped my notebook and quill on my chair and sat on it. Sirius fumbled, dropped his quill, and threw the notebook at me. Mouthing 'idiot!' at him, I sat on his notebook, too.

Just in time. Lily came inside. Without saying hello, she sat next to Sirius and started talking.

"Why are we still meeting?" she asked. "I think we've pretty much 'fixed James,' guys." I smiled faintly, noting that not only had she called him James, but a frown or an insult hadn't come with it.

"We're just making it official," I explained.

Remus pushed open the door. "Making what official?"

"The end of Operation Cobra," Sirius said, like you would say 'the end of Doctor Who.' He closed his eyes and put his hand on his heart.

"I'm so glad this is over. Now I don't have to put up with you anymore." I grinned at him.

"You wound me!" Sirius yelped. Drama queen.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah." I turned and took firewhiskey and a ton of candy out of my bag. Sirius' eyes widened. "Anyway, I bought these at Hogsmeades to celebrate with."

"Alice! What have you done?" cried Remus

"Excellent!" announced Sirius, snatching the bottle and moving to take out the cork. Lily grabbed it.

"Let's wait until Friday, yes? We're having test in DADA tomorrow and I don't want to be hungover," she said desperately.

"Yes! We can throw a party instead!" I said, ideas starting like popcorn. I beckoned Sirius.

Remus and Lily started complaining. Sirius and I ignored them and started planning.

* * *

In History of Magic...

_**So let me get this straight. Petal **__**Petal **__**Petal Why does it keep writing Petal! I mean Petal!**_

_**Sorry, Hestia. We know who you mean. Continue.**_

_**Okay. Ever since Petal yelled at Prongs Oh, for fuck's sake.**_

_It's fine, Snuffles cursed the paper._

_**Who the hell is Snuffles?!**_

_The tall boy with long black hair and gray eyes._

_The VERY HANDSOME __tall boy with long black hair and gray eyes._

_****__**Keep dreaming, Black. Wait! Loophole! Let's call each other by our last names!**_

_****__**Let me just fix that.**_

_****__**Damn you, Snuffles.**_

___Maybe we could take until the next century? I've got a meeting with Nicholas Flamel._

___..._

_****__**...**_

_****__**...**_

___Ignoramuses._

_****__**Anyway, ever since Petal yelled at Prongs, Petal, Snuffles, Artemis, and QoH (I will freak later about those) have been trying to 'fix Prongs,' called Operation Cobra. But QoH, Snuffles, and Artemis have been running a secret Operation Dragon, directed at getting Prongs and Petal together. Correct?**_

___Yep._

___That's about right._

_****__**Okay, now that that's clarified, WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THESE WEIRD NICKNAMES?! QoH, what does that even STAND for? And isn't Artemis a girls' name? Snuffles, what the crap were you even thinking?**_

Sirius started snickering randomly. Several students were jerked out of their daze, looking around for the source of the barely-restrained laughter.

___'What the crap?'_

_****__**Shut UP, Snuffles.**_

_****__**I'm QoH, or Queen of Hearts, because I'm trying to get Prongs and Petal together. Muggles used to believe Artemis was the goddess of virgins.**_

Hestia began shaking with gales of silent laughter along with Sirius.

___Well. This is childish and crass, and I won't be taking any part in this_**__****.**

Remus closed his notebook with a quiet thud. He huffed and crossed his arms.

_****__**See you guys at the party.**_

_I love those guys,_ I thought. I smiled and went back to copying Lily's notes.

* * *

On Friday, after James and Sirius got back with the food, Hestia, Mary, and I pounced.

"Lovely!" said Hestia, clapping. She traded a look with me. I nodded. "Now, let's go, Alice, Lily."

"Where are we going?" Lily asked. Confusion laced her features.

We hauled her into the bathroom. I beckoned to Mary on our way in.

"What's going on?" Lily said. Panic and fear coated her like honey.

We didn't answer, only got busy. Mary came in, buried under two or three entire wardrobes.

"Oh, don't worry, Lily. We'll be done before you know it," Mary laughed. Lily implored Mary some more, and then switched tactics. I had to keep from giggling at Lily's look of terror.

"Remember in second year when we swore we'd be good friends forever?" Lily begged. I noticed her hand searching her pocket.

"Sorry, Lily," said Hestia merrily.

"_Please," _Lily said desperately, eyes darting around like a cornered animal.

I smiled. This would be fun.

* * *

Two hours later, we were walking to the common room. Well, Mary, Hestia, and I walked. Lily tottered and almost fell several times. She didn't stop complaining.

"Hestia, where do you get such painful shoes?"

"Those look amazing on you, Lily," I pointed out.

"And you!" she cried, trying to turn around. Lily almost fell. I chuckled. She glared at me.

"What?" I said, holding in laughter at Lily's helplessness.

"This jewelry! Where do you get all this crap?" she exclaimed.

I shrugged. Then I shrugged again, just to feel the cool, soft white fabric of the dress sliding over my shoulders.

Lily turned her bitching on Mary.

"This dress will make me pass out," Lily threatened.

I rolled her eyes. She was exactly like Sirius. A drama monarchy. I snickered to myself.

"How?"

"It's so tight!" she yelled.

"I've been in tighter," boasted Hestia.

"How did you accomplish that?" Lily asked. Her eyes bugged out in surprise.

"I remember that. Amos Diggory's eyes about popped out of his head," smiled Mary.

"As did Sirius Black's," I added, watching Hestia carefully for a response. We had all known she had liked him since last year. Sure enough, Hestia's eyes widened hopefully.

"Yeah, remember Dorcas Meadowes? When she saw you, she spent the rest of the evening trying to seduce Sirius," chuckled Mary.

"Tried?" Lily asked, surprised. "Sirius will bang any female to look his way."

"Have you seen Meadowes? She looks like a blonde rat with a wand stuck up her ass," said Hestia savagely.

"Just because she's dating your ex," Lily teased.

"That is not a laughing matter!" protested Hestia.

We got downstairs. A few fourth years, most of the fifth years, the sixth years, and seventh years were in the common room. Alex McLaggen, clearly more drunk then he should've been, stumbled over and threw his arms around Lily and Hestia.

"You gals're pretty," he mumbled. He gave Hestia a wet kiss on her cheek. Mary rolled her eyes and punched him a little lower than the stomach.

"Ow," he muttered. He lurched away and promptly tried to kiss Molly Prewitt. I watched in mild fascination as she cursed him in several nasty ways. I doubted that he would be able to have children for ten years, minimum.

Lily, meanwhile, was appealing to Sirius for help.

"I hate my dress," she said. "Help me!"

Sirius smirked. "James seems to appreciate it."

Lily peered around him. James was staring at her, mouth slightly open.

"Oh for-"

She stomped over to him.

Hestia and Sirius were not-so-discreetly stealing glances at each other. Mary was watching the silent exchange with mild amusement.

"So! You guys think Operation Dragon is working?" I asked.

"Oh, definitely," said Hestia.

"Well, they're as good as married on James' side," offered Sirius.

"Hasn't the whole school known that since second year?" asked Mary.

I looked at her, puzzled. "We didn't tell you about Operation Dragon."

"Who else would James want to marry?" she said, smiling.

"Oh, right."

After a longer silence, Sirius said, "Um, nice dresses." Mary and I stifled a laugh. Hestia was wearing a red minidress. And Sirius was basically a kid with sex drive.

"Thanks," replied Hestia, flashing a shy smile.

"Oh, get a room," burst out Mary finally. Mary and I broke down in giggles while Hestia glared and Sirius looked uncomfortable.

"Well, I got a bottle of icewine, if you don't want something so strong," said Sirius after a while. Hestia accepted, while I went to get myself lots and lots of firewhiskey.

I drank a lot of firewhiskey. So you can't blame me, when I saw Peter dancing, for conjuring a pole for him. And you can't blame me for then bringing a spotlight on Alex McLaggen and Marlene McKinnon, a friend of mine, while McLaggen was dumping her, and then pouring an entire bottle of vodka on his head.

Then Frank, my kinda-sorta-but-not-really boyfriend, started a round of applause.

I went to the couch and was about to lie down and fall unconscious for a while. Then I saw James kissing Lily's forehead.

Victory!

Then I passed out. I hate hangovers.

* * *

**That was far too much effort for four o'clock. Ah, well. Review and here are your e-cookies, fresh out of the e-oven. Happy Veteran's Day! (::)(::)(::)(::)**


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